Finding company

In this stage in my life, I want to find more company. Not that the company that I have with my mom is not enough but my heart yearns for more friends. You have spent all your life with your family and I want to meet new people. Maybe I want to meet somebody and more friends too. I guess that's what I'll do. But in the process, I need to have money. In order to have friends. In order to do the things that I want to do. My life is spent being thrifty when it comes to money because I have limited budget. I just wish I'd have more of it. To find company in the work that I will be doing is I think very important to me. I am sort of choosy when it comes to the people that I will be working with. I need to find the right workplace. And I need to trust people. Sometimes, and it does happen wrong associations are created in business. I just want to deal with the right people, somebody I can trust.

Love and connection

Sometimes, I am thinking that love and connection is also dependent on the money that you have. My mom has money, so is my sister. I have no money sad to say but I am trying to figure out why it all happened this way. In the meantime, the social networking sites, the blog, the cellphone, the telephone, the e-mail may cost something to communicate with friends and if you have no money to go out, you cannot go very much to the gimmicks that some of your friends sometimes do. I hope it would be different. I am somehow ashamed that I still need to ask for money but that's how it happened to me and so I have to take what is there for me. I hope having friends would not be dependent solely on how much money you can have just to communicate with your friends. If you have no work, you tend to count the peso and the centavos that you spend on a particular day. You do have to go out sometime. And your life has to push through. Maybe what you need is some clear cut idea on your purpose in life so that you will be blessed by God with riches. May God be with us in this goal of love and connection among people.

Finding out God's will

Happiness can be found by doing God's will. I think happiness becomes perfect when you finally have this perfect relationship with God and you follow His will in your everyday life. What is God's will in your life? Could be a lot of things. But most importantly living a life that is all about love for Him and for others. Sometimes we are forced to see some things by the situations that happen in our lives. With this we need God's guidance. It is important to know God for we need to find out His will for us in our lives. Maybe it is in finding our own families. Maybe starting a purpose in life. Having a wonderful career. Helping out others. We need not be merely reactive to what life gives us but we must find our destiny and create our lives. We must live no matter what, no matter what our problems may be. We should be resilient and ever ready to face tomorrow and learn the lessons of life along the way. Life gives us problems for us to master over them and become better persons along the way. Finding out what is God's will will make us perfectly happy for the desires of our heart is to follow God and be with Him. God is present in others, in our families, in our friends and so we try to have a good relationship with our fellowmen. In that way we are doing God's will. God is present to make our lives full. Let us do God's will.

What are your values in life

For me, my values in life is to find work even if I don't like it. There are several reasons to hate working especially if you have gone through what I have gone through. For me, it is a waste of time to work if you don't love your work. But you gotta eat. And even if I have used this reason to find work, still I don't find work which makes it all the more frustrating. Where will my life lead me? I wish I was in New York. And become an artist. It doesn't matter if interior decorator, photographer, culinary artist, graphic artist or a singer and a writer. I just want to deal with art. Right now, all I could think of is to make money and maybe to study something that I love to do. I'll just find the business later. So what do I have? An accounting degree of which I was hesitant to be ever since. Why do people need money in order to survive? I could do tons of work without making money. I think I just don't know how to make money. I am doing what I love but it is kind of unfair since you don't make anything. Gotta find the reason for my life. Gotta stand up for it. Not everything can be paid by money. But we all need money in order to live in this world. I was wondering what else in life are free. And just to make sure that I like it. I have yet to look for it - the treasure that will make my heart beat, the greatest pearl there is that will make me abandon all else. Jump for joy!

My accountabilities

Everything in life I think has a cost. Even this blog needs some form of money to be able to go online. I seldom go out to apply for a job because this means asking for P300 from my mom daily and that amounts already to a few days to a week's supply of food. I somehow envy those who have so much to waste in their lives. I think I don't have the talent to make money anymore. People go to proven people and they don't trust those whom they think do not go with the usual like for me having short work experiences that I did not mean to have. It's a good thing if your P300 will pay off but most often than not that money will not return in the form of an approved job application. I am already ashamed from asking for money from my mom. But it seems that if I did not try to do anything, I would end up not doing anything and I will have nothing for myself or for my family. It's really hard especially if you know you are not doing the thing that you love and you are wasting away money and effort on something that will not work for you anymore. I am afraid that if this goes on like this for so long, I'll end up a street urchin just because nobody gave a chance on me. It's been really repetitive and I don't know what to do anymore. Do you believe that everything done in this world needs some clout? I do believe that. People do what they want in this world and sometimes, they just care for themselves and they forget to care about other people who are asking for help. People are easy to judge and they don't even know what they are judging. I don't have the clout and maybe that's where my mistake is. I let things happen. I just woke up one day and realized that I am not living the life that I wanted and I continued to pray and still no answers as if everything is up to me to happen. Right now, I know there are still opportunities for me out there, but it seems a little more difficult to do if you will not stay up and give it more hours to think about your life and how you are gonna fix it in such a way that you will do from now on the things that you wish for. You just pray to God that He will shower you with blessings. I've tried everything and everything seems a repetition of yesterday's trials and efforts and you just wish you would grow on the things that you do hopefully on something new that you do today. Sometimes, I wonder what the meaning of life really is and not just depend solely on what you routinely do everyday. I had enough money before so I disliked working when I was young and when I wanted to work nobody would give me a chance and it's years of waiting and now I really need money and I don't know how to look for it. It's difficult because you can see how others have plenty of it and you don't have any and nobody is giving you a chance. And they're gonna blame you for not working and think of you as if you're lazy or irresponsible which I am not and they just can't or won't understand somebody who's not been given a chance. Anyway, the reason for my long unemployment was them too. And that's something that they won't understand. The world is unfair and I still have to keep my head up everyday. You want to work but nobody wants you to work. I gotta receive at least something. I know exactly where I should be at. Be an actress, athlete or own a business. But I don't think I am young enough to pursue those past dreams. Suddenly, I have aged and still I am presented with the same chances. It is so tiring. I hope to God that He will give me new chances and me learn something new in my life. I hope to solve all my problems today and start a new tomorrow.

Pace your life

Sometimes, you don't know what comes to you and you suddenly feel that you don't grasp your life. My only guide is knowing how to love my family. I do things because of this reason. It is my gauge on whether I am still doing the right things in life or not. Next, I pray to God so that He will always guide my life. I know now that no matter what happens in my life, it is because of His will and not mine. I know that He will forever guide me in this life in the right path. I may not like some of the things that happen in my life, but to me I still got my family and that is enough for me. I don't aspire anymore for what is impossible to happen. I value the things that I have in my life no matter how few they are or no matter how unspectacular they may be. I value them because they are part of my life. It's no use comparing your life to others. What's important is that you know you have lived your life well. And success is never a measure. It is always God that is to be followed because sometimes no matter how hard you plan, it will always be God who is to be followed. Sometimes, you reach for the answers in life, but you still keep on searching every moment you got. I wish to reach the wisdom of God and know why He has done certain things in my life as it is. But He has all the mystery and you hope that all your fears will be gone and taken away by God and that you be healed of all the hurts that you had. Only God can heal you. Not money, success or fame. These are worldly things and they will only be complete when God heals you. The only thing to have is to have a strong relationship with God, that you may understand Him and what He is doing to your life. That you may know why He has done certain things in your life. He has the answer to all our questions in life and our search for love in this world can be found in Him. Money, fame, sucess can only bring in temporary joy in our lives and it is imperfect so we should be healed by God. After all what can be the most important thing in our lives is not what we have acquired in this world but the love that we have given to other people in His name.